"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:18

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another.  Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way."  Romans 14:13

When a loved one we know is struggling in an emotionally abusive relationship, they need support; not judgment.  "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you."  (Matthew 7:1-2)  We must encourage others (as we encourage ourselves) in Christ. 

"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him."  Ephesians 1:7-10


One of the best ways we can be there for a loved one is to listen.  A listening ear helps your loved one sort through pain and life-altering decisions.  Exercise patience, an attribute of the Fruit of the Holy Spirit.  Be steadfast as a "friend" without complaint.  Allow your loved one to vent and cry if they need too.  Remember, what seems small to you, may be big to your loved one. 

The Word says…
"…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;…"  James 1:19

Respect Her/His Decision

We all have free-will which means the right to make our own choices.  Your loved one knows best how the abuser may react/respond to her/his decisions.  Keep in mind that your loved one may not choose to handle their situation the same way you may.  Respect their decision(s).  Until you've "walked a mile in their shoes", you could not possibly know what it feels like to be in their position: the truth is you can only imagine.  We all fall from the Grace of God from time to time.  So, don't be judgmental lest you be judged by the measure from God.  The best thing to do while your loved one is in the process of making life-changing decisions is to help give support, just be there when she/he needs you.  Say encouraging, thoughtful words that build the spirit.  Focus on the things of God ; don't concentrate on the negative.  According to the Word, "…whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."  (Philippians 4:6-9).

Here are examples of what you might say in your conversation:  

  • You are more than a conqueror, because God says your are so believe it, God does.  Romans 8:37
  • You already have the victory through Christ.  He was wounded for your transgressions and crushed for your iniquities (Isaiah 53:5).  He died for your guilt, shame, depression, and pain.  So you can overcome the pain this relationship caused through Authority in the Power of Christ, Yeshua.

Whether or not your loved one can see beyond the point of where they are at the present moment is irrelevant.  Planting Seeds of victory is however.  It helps pave the way for a brighter future ahead as a NEW CREATION in Christ with the help of the Comforter, the Holy Spirit who will move in and upon your loved one.  Stay focused on doing your part as a true "friend" and believer in Christ and God will do the rest as she/he willingly turns to the Holy Spirit for help.

The Word says…
" Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;…"  Romans 12:10

Don't Blame Her/Him

Don't ask questions like, "why did you get involved with that person" or say "you know better".  Blaming is only going to make matters worse by bringing her/his spirit down even lower than the abuser did.  Edify through the Word of God.  Your loved one already feels bad and is under enough pressure about the relationship.  She/he does not to feel any worse.

The Word says…
"And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?"  Matthew 7:3-4

Be Sensitive

Keep in mind that it could have been or could be you in your loved one's position.  Be receptive to their feelings and experience.  Healing isn't easy and takes time.  Focus on helping your loved one to build self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth through Christ.  Being called names and talked down to in a degrading way was or is the "norm" as your loved one knows it through their experience with the abuser.  Help them to understand God doesn't intend for us to love each other in an abusive way. 

The Word says…
"A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit."  Proverbs 15:4

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers."
Ephesians 4:29

Maintain an Encouraging Attitude

It is important to maintain a positive attitude, the Right Kind of Attitude in Christ.  There may be many days when your attitude is the only thing that may help your loved one through the day as they go through the healing process.  Remember, they may not be strong in Christ yet and may need your help in getting there.  Remember, to disconnect your personal feelings.  Hearing bad news is never easy to receive as a believer in Christ.  Meditate on the Word to help you sustain and preserve an encouraging view point.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ (Philippians 2:5).

The Word says…
"For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."  Proverbs 23:7

"Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing."   1 Thessalonians 5:11

Be There for Yourself Also

Giving your support, time and energy can be time consuming.  Be sure to balance your time.  Make sure you take care of your needs too.  Neglecting yourself leads to sin.  Do you not know "that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?  For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body."  1 Corinthians 6:19-20

The Word says…
"But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
1 Timothy 5:8


Hotline Phone Numbers

Domestic Violence Hotline:  800.621.HOPE (4673

Crime Victims Hotline:  866.689.HELP (4357)

Rape & Sexual Assault Hotline:  212.227.3000

TDD phone number for all hotlines:  866.604.5350